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Zell
Head Administrator
Posts : 1090
Birthday : 1992-03-01
Join date : 2010-07-23
Age : 32
Favorite Pokemon : Absol, Zoroark, Serperior, Victini, Zebstrika, Tyranitar
Favorite Game : Black
Friend Code : 3825-7887-9089
 |  Subject: Funny Statements  Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:04 pm | |
| Post your funny statements here. :P - Spoiler:
If you live everyday as though it's your last, eventually it'll be appropriate.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
Everybody is somebody else's wierdo.
Puritanism : The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
If you let a smile be your umbrella, you'll get very wet.
Smile, and the world wonders what you're up to.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
He who laughs last thinks slowest
God must love stupid people...He made SO many.
Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that.
Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some things are just better rich.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
The meek shall inherit the Earth -- after we're done with it.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Money can't buy happiness...but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Life is like a box of chocolates... full of nuts
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Two wrongs don't make a right...But three lefts do.
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Lefthanded Scizors
Elite Rank
Posts : 1892
Birthday : 1900-01-01
Join date : 2010-07-24
Age : 124
Favorite Pokemon : Houndoom, Lucario, Sky-Forme Shaymin, Zoroark, Absol, Ninetales, the Eevees, Suicune, Reshiram, Victini, and Shuckle
Favorite Game : Pokemon Crystal, Final Fantasy VII, Plants vs Zombies, Fluxx, and Munchkin
Friend Code : 5027-8342-1051 (SoulSilver-Dante), 4340-4094-3171 (Platinum-Ruritu), 120392358338 (DW: Dusk)
| | Subject: Re: Funny Statements Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:22 pm | |
| - I have a family to feed! PLEASE CLICK ME!:
Did I mention it was a family of one?
- click this for a corny joke:
awwww, you missed the joke. You must not have clicked fast enough
- why don't blind people skydive?:
It scares the dog
- How does every offensive joke start?:
looking over your shoulder
- What do you call a hot woman on a hideous guy?:
a tattoo
- What happened to the moron who ran out of gas?:
He sold his car to buy more gas.
- Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?:
Because it was dead
- Why do farts smell?:
So deaf people can enjoy them, too :3
- How can you drive someone crazy?:
Send an email saying, "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE disregard the first email."
- What's brown and sticky?:
A stick :D
- Why did the chicken cross the road?:
Well it wasn't to click on spoilers so STOP CLICKING
Last edited by Zellogi on Tue Aug 24, 2010 1:12 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Zell
Head Administrator
Posts : 1090
Birthday : 1992-03-01
Join date : 2010-07-23
Age : 32
Favorite Pokemon : Absol, Zoroark, Serperior, Victini, Zebstrika, Tyranitar
Favorite Game : Black
Friend Code : 3825-7887-9089
| | Subject: Re: Funny Statements Tue Aug 24, 2010 1:17 pm | |
| - Spoiler:
Everybody lies. But it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Build a man a fire and he’s warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than ***.
I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious.
There are only three types of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
I invented the cordless extension cord.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Death is hereditary.
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
“This is so bad it’s gone past good and back to bad again.”
Never take life seriously. Nobody comes out of it alive.
I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.
STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand
Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter.
I think that's enough for now xD |
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Danniellahill
Co-Administrator
Posts : 485
Birthday : 1992-01-30
Join date : 2010-07-24
Age : 32
Favorite Pokemon : Piplup
Favorite Game : Final Fantasy
Friend Code : dnt know it
| | Subject: Re: Funny Statements Thu Aug 26, 2010 8:54 am | |
| Funny Ancient Chinese Proverbs. (these arent real obviously lol) - Spoiler:
Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Boy who go to sleep with hard problem wake up with solution in hand.
Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.
Girl who sits on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.
Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.
Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Man who loves and loses, have not right lawyer.
Man who pushes piano down mine shaft get A flat miner.
Television never replace old reliable key hole.
Laziest man in world who marry widow with six children.
Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.
Girl who do back spring on bedspring have offspring next spring.
Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary.
Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
Man who stutters has a lot to say.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Man who drop watch in toilet have **** time.
Learn to masturbate- It'll come in handy.
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons
Man who make love to girl on hill...he not on level.
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Shiro
Moderator
Posts : 361
Birthday : 1988-03-21
Join date : 2010-07-25
Age : 36
Favorite Pokemon : Lucario
Favorite Game : RED
Friend Code : 000-000-000
| | Subject: Re: Funny Statements Thu Aug 26, 2010 2:27 pm | |
| Man you know your up late when you click a pokegg that you clicked last night and it says you clicked it today. ~Shiro |
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Nxtwiz
Moderator
Posts : 533
Birthday : 1994-05-27
Join date : 2010-07-25
Age : 29
Favorite Pokemon : Lucario and Gardevoir!
Favorite Game : Pokemon Pearl
Friend Code : Don't have one right now...
| | Subject: Re: Funny Statements Fri Aug 27, 2010 11:46 am | |
| - Spoiler:
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Tommy Cooper
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.
Tommy Cooper
I went into a French restaurant and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'
Tommy Cooper
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Tommy Cooper
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."
Tommy Cooper
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
Tommy Cooper
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
Tommy Cooper
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Lefthanded Scizors
Elite Rank
Posts : 1892
Birthday : 1900-01-01
Join date : 2010-07-24
Age : 124
Favorite Pokemon : Houndoom, Lucario, Sky-Forme Shaymin, Zoroark, Absol, Ninetales, the Eevees, Suicune, Reshiram, Victini, and Shuckle
Favorite Game : Pokemon Crystal, Final Fantasy VII, Plants vs Zombies, Fluxx, and Munchkin
Friend Code : 5027-8342-1051 (SoulSilver-Dante), 4340-4094-3171 (Platinum-Ruritu), 120392358338 (DW: Dusk)
| | Subject: Re: Funny Statements Sat Aug 28, 2010 11:29 am | |
| John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
-I just love this :3 |
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Meadow
Super Rank
Posts : 215
Birthday : 1994-02-28
Join date : 2010-07-23
Age : 30
Favorite Pokemon : Mawile, Lucario, Umbreon, Zoroark, Snivy & Joltik
Favorite Game : Pokemon Platinum
Friend Code : 3052-0206-2926
| | Subject: Re: Funny Statements Tue Dec 28, 2010 7:55 pm | |
| - "Calling the husband at his work:":
"Hey sweetheart... I have some good- and some bad news!"
"Well, let me hear the good news first"
"Uhmm... Well... The airbag... It's working..."
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scruffy-chan
Ultra Rank
Posts : 355
Birthday : 1992-11-02
Join date : 2010-07-23
Age : 31
Favorite Pokemon : Shiny Totodile
Favorite Game : Original Gold
Friend Code : Can't Get on Nintendo WFC at Home
| | Subject: Re: Funny Statements Fri Feb 11, 2011 4:02 am | |
| Supercollider? I just met her!
And then they built a supercollider. Thank you. |
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| | Subject: Re: Funny Statements | |
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